Have had a hard couple of days...

...mental health team appointment yesterday with little Sammy...I came away feeling terrible for talking so negatively about him, but, he is such a trying, troubled little soul and I need some help & the team are coming out to see him at home on Monday...I took them for a train ride to Stansted airport to lift my spirits really, but came back with a headache & then today, due to go punting with all the lovely people I work with, both little ones adamant they weren't going, Sam pulls Jack's hair in pure frustration, Jack is sobbing, I have to cancel my plans because, I don't rule my kids, the rule me! Instead, I took them on a train to Peterborough, a little lunch maybe...but, even this is a huge task...Sam smashes things in a shop, screams all the way around the town & on the train, as he didn't get a seat (none of us did!)..he completely flips out, is on the floor deep in a furious rage, other passengers, staring at me & my uncontrollable child, or tutting over the top of their newspapers..one kind woman offered up her seat for Sammy, bless her, but Sam was too busy banging his head as hard as he could on the floor and threatening the train alarm!...it was as much as I could do not to burst into tears in front of every one, but I held it together, managed to sway Sammy away from his anger by tickling his back (eventually works-the only thing that will pacify him)...the boys are getting bigger, stronger & I don't know what to do...Jack won't leave me alone, constantly asking me if the pantograph is open or shut! constantly doing his 'mmm' thing...which means he loves me apparently..and constantly grabbing my hair to sniff!... it's all very endearing but I'm physically & mentally exhausted! & I have to bags under my eyes & big spots on my face to prove it!!... Mum & dad had them for tea tonight, so that I could get an hour or so quiet time (preferably in a darkened room!), but I still clawed around trying to finish off birthday present shopping for my 'almost teenager'! Oh, I managed to grab a card for my super-star nephew who got straight A's in his exams, securing himself a place at Bath Uni! Way to go my love!! Anyway, a lazy day at home tomorrow with a lovely, very empathetic friend popping over for afternoon tea & maybe some of my homemade rocky-road!!...